You know in movies how there is this super steamy, very passionate love scene?

Were you expecting that, or something similar, when you got married?

Let me share with you a few reasons why intimacy in real life isn’t exactly like that.

A snapshot of how intimacy in real life is different than movies

First, let me start by giving a little disclaimer. The Functionality Disclaimer.

Not all relationships function the same. Just because someone’s relationship functions differently than yours, it doesn’t necessarily mean that is bad.

With that understanding in mind, let’s break down how intimacy in real life is different than intimacy in movies {or I guess media in general}.

Sometimes you have to plan times for connecting with your spouse

I can just picture that scene in a movie where the guy wipes off his desk and they “spur of the moment” have sex. HA! It’s not really like that.

While there are many moments that it’s awesomely fun, exciting, and spicy, for the most part, it’s not going to happen randomly anywhere and everywhere. Sometimes it takes a little bit of planning.

It takes longer

Sometimes Hollywood does a great job at speeding up the progression of sex… like really fast. Sometimes in real life, it isn’t always that fast. What I mean by that is that sometimes you have to “get in the mood”. 

I actually don’t think this is a bad thing. It allows you as a couple extra time to connect and be in the right mindset.

Intimacy takes work

Have you seen that clip in “how does she do it?” with Sarah Jessica Parker where the hubby goes into the bathroom to get ready and Sara Jessica Parker falls asleep on the bed in the mean time? {it’s like second :42 – :48 in the clip below}


Intimacy in real life takes work; prepping, getting in the mood, and clean up.

Hollywood doesn’t always share those parts.


Oh boy. The difference between having kids and not having kids is a double edge sword when it comes to intimacy.

On one end you have no distractions, intimacy is much easier to achieve. You can have sex anytime, anywhere in the house, and not worry about your mini “ticking bombs” going off!!

Yet on the other hand, you don’t quite understand the pure joy, the incredibly deep, complete sacredness of intimacy until you have kids. Because YOU made those kids together, with God. That knowledge and understanding bonds and fuels the deep fire of intimacy.

Feeling Safe

A lot of the time movies portray sex as this almost dirty, self-pleasing act that is done to “win” or prove that somehow you were conquered. The sexual encounter is not to be remembered or cherished, yet to be a one time pleasing act.

Yet intimacy in real life is much, much different than that. The amount of security and safety I feel in the arms of my husband is very deep. I’m not sure how to explain it. I think it’s because you are so vulnerable and trusting with this person that you know will take care of you and that you know loves you so deep.

The level of connection is much deeper than any movie portrays

Another thing Hollywood can’t quite make you understand is the deep level of connection you feel with your spouse because of intimacy. Your brain physically has a change; the limbic system within the brain is flooded with a surge of neurochemicals – these are the chemical messengers that forge emotions, feelings of attachment and even love.

Intimacy truly bonds a couple.

Intimacy in real life is sacred

The movies don’t teach this one either.

Since God has given us a privilege of creating another human life with our bodies, we must treat that privilege with deep respect & responsibility {tweet it!}

Intimacy between a man and a women in the bonds of marriage is a very sacred responsibility that must be held with the upmost respect.

What is your take away from this?

If you aren’t married, set your expectations that intimacy in marriage is different than what you see in the media.

If you are married, set your expectations that intimacy in marriage is different than what you see in the media. Don’t compare your marital romance to what you see in movies, tv shows, or hear in songs. It’s not the same because that’s fake.

Your homework?

If you aren’t married, study how to find the perfect match for you! It will make sure you are making the right decisions before you choose your spouse.

If you are married, make sure you check out the 10 absolutely best marriage tips {coming from the wife of a marriage and family therapist!}. These will help you strengthen your relationship with your spouse.

7 reasons I don't crave chick flick romance


This article was submitted to the following link parties: Mommy Moments