For the majority of time I consider myself to be a very logical person. I don’t like to get all emotional; the mushy-gooshy stuff bugs me. But after a day such as this one, my heart has been called up to much reflection.
Tonight, as I rocked my dear sweet baby girl to sleep I sat there searching the corners of my heart; the places I don’t like to go very often. The corners that are hard to face and hard to describe.
As I pondered what today’s unique events meant to me I was drawn to the emotion that I don’t belong. I don’t know all of the answers, or know how to fix it, but I was impressed to write a letter to those who share similar emotional secrets. To those who don’t feel like they belong.
Here is the thing, I don’t know the answer to your story, but here is what your letter might look like.
Dearest Britni,
Here you are twenty-something years old. You have grown into a beautiful, loving lady. You are living the dream. You have a wonderful husband and two amazingly perfect children. You have extended family who love you deeply and would do absolutely anything for you. You are happy and love the life God has blessed you with.
Yet, there are moments that it feels like something is missing.
As a little girl every shooting star, every birthday, every lucky penny was dedicated to hopeful wishes that you would be found, noticed, or even realized. Countless day dreams were wasted on the idea of a fairytale encounter. The years passed as the longing to belong increased.
Finally! The encounter came! The time had finally come!
But it wasn’t quite the fairytale you imagined. . .
Pushing down immense rejection, you squared your shoulders and concluded the fact that you were not wanted. That you were not good enough. That you didn’t belong.
Where do you turn? How do you push down those feelings? How do you accept reality when all you want is to be accepted, loved and safe?
But that was years ago. Tonight as I rock my baby to sleep and I reflect on these feelings, I feel a ray of light. I feel hope, and peace. Even though I was never accepted, and I will never belong with them I do belong somewhere.
Now let me explain what happened next.
“Those who diligently seek to learn of Christ will eventually come to know Him . . . Let us not wait too long on our road to Damascus. Instead, let us courageously move forward in faith, hope, and charity, and we will be blessed with the light we are all seeking upon the path of true discipleship.” – President Uchtdorf’s
I have found the light of Christ and He is the place where I belong.
I have an overwhelming testimony that burns in my heart of the power of Christ’s love and mercy. Even though our challenges will not be taken away, He will send the gift of ‘unexplainable peace’ from the Holy Ghost. It doesn’t make sense, and I will never be accepted by my biological dad but I have peace knowing that I belong with Christ. I belong with my family who loves me and who will be with me forever.
To those who have not found that light,
Begin on your road to Damascus. Begin to search for Christ. ‘Learn of Him, listen to His words, Walk in the meekness of His spirit and you will find peace in God’. {D&C 19:23}
Begin by talking to Jesus, whatever that means for you. Pray to Him in your car, in your thoughts, in your moments of greatest happiness and your deepest sadness. Tell Him you are having a hard time. Tell Him you need help. Tell Him how incredibly overwhelmingly grateful you are for the life He has blessed you with.
I do not know what your story holds, or where your “rejection” comes from. But I do know this. That God loves you. He cares about you. And He is in the details of your life.
You belong with Him.
This article was submitted to the following Link Parties: Motivation Monday, Mommy Moments
