One of the most memorable moments in my marriage (aside from our wedding day, and when both of our babies were born) is the day I learned about relenting in a marriage.
Do you want to learn how to not argue? not yell?
I very vividly remember when my husband taught me how to relent. We were very newly married and had been discussing a topic we did not see eye-to-eye on. I was sitting on the floor working on homework, the topic came back up. I started to get really frustrated and I raised my voice to express the passion I felt for my side of the argument.
He looked at me and said, “Okay. I’m going to let you be in your space. I’m going down stairs.”
He turned, and started walking downstairs. I just sat there on the floor absolutely stunned. Let me be in my space, seriously? How rude is that. Quickly this is what went through my head.. I wasn’t going to sit up there stewing in my frustration. I needed to follow him. But wait, why didn’t he yell back at me? That wasn’t normal… aren’t couple’s supposed to get in fights, to yell? I then started to laugh. I stood up and ran to him. I met him on the stairs.
I hugged him and laughed and said, “wait! you’re not supposed to leave me in my own space! Aren’t we supposed to fight this one out, isn’t that what couples do?”
He smiled and simply said, “No. I’ve had enough chaos in my life so far. I don’t need any more.”
From that moment on, we decided TOGETHER, that we would not fight. If we disagree, we relent.
So… what does that mean? To relent?
You’ve got to ask yourself, is winning the argument really worth jeopardising the relationship?
- First, decide together not to fight.
- Realize that by relenting you are not “giving in”, or “giving up” your desire/opinion. You are putting the other person first. You are allowing them to get their way. You are choosing to be selfless.
- Listen to your spouse! How do you know what they want, if you don’t listen?
- Avoid ceaseless pinpricking! Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. It will help you choose to relent
- Feel free to openly voice when you are relenting. This doesn’t necessarily have to be a secret. You can say, “Honey I love you. I will relent.” Or say something like, “Allow me to relent this time. I’d like to {fill in the blank} for you.”
- Keep your marriage alive! Make time for the two of you. It will help you keep your marriage a priority. Which will help keep your spouse a priority. Put those together and you will want to relent
- Set goals together. This will help you be on the same page for the major priorities in life; making it easier to relent for the moments in life that aren’t as major (ie, like what to eat for dinner).
Even if you haven’t created this habit in your marriage yet, choose to create it NOW. It will make your relationship all the more sweet and tender. You will cherish your spouse in the moments he relents; and it will want you to relent for him. I assure you, choose not to fight, and you will make your marriage stronger. Guaranteed.
