I did it all wrong with my first baby, my son. He is two and still struggles sleeping through the night sometimes. He didn’t “sleep through the night” until he was about 11 months old. I talked to our pediatrician and he said that was normal for breastfed babies. But it didn’t feel normal. It didn’t feel like I should still be getting up in the middle of the night 11 months later.
With my second baby, my daughter, I was determined to do something different.
I followed the Babywise model exactly to the T with my first baby. While there were positives about it; having a routine, knowing what comes next, guiding a new mom… I am determined all moms need to throw it out the window {sorry Babywise}.
I read a lot, wait let me say that again. I read A LOT of articles about the Babywise theory and how it’s the best thing to do for your baby and how it would totally get a baby to sleep through the night. As a new mom I did my very best to follow it exactly!
But. Here is the problem with Babywise: it doesn’t leave room for mother’s intuition.
With my second baby, my daughter, I decided that I was not going to follow a schedule and just let her lead me. I nursed her anytime and every time I thought she might be hungry. There were times I felt I was nursing all day! There were times I nursed an hour after the last feeding.
But here are 4 reasons I benefited from throwing out the Babywise theory.
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- It gave me confidence. I felt that I was in control. I didn’t have to wait 40 more minutes until 3 hours had passed for “feeding time”. When following the Babywise routine I would always say, “but he can’t be hungry, he just ate an hour ago!!” Instead of that anxiety mess, I was confident my baby would tell me when she was hungry and I let her lead me.
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- I never felt I had to fight my baby at the breast because it was “feeding time”. If I offered it and she squirmed I DID. NOT. FIGHT. HER. I say that very boldly because that is not how I handled nursing the first time around. I was so anxious with my son that it was “feeding time” and if he didn’t eat or fought me I tried so many different ways to feed him. Walking, bouncing, standing, laying, singing…I can remember bouncing on the edge of my bed while nursing because that was the only way I could get him “calm”. Don’t do that. Don’t fight your baby at the boob because you think it’s time for them to eat. Let them tell you.
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- I got my baby to sleep better. One of the rules of Babywise is to feed after the baby wakes up; and to never feed right before the baby goes to sleep. The idea behind that is you don’t want your baby to not get a full feeding because they fell asleep. Well, let me say, my baby slept way better, got to sleep faster, and nursing is one of the best ways to calm a baby down for sleep. It’s comforting. It’s natural for the baby to want to sleep. Wanna know why? Your brain releases serotonin while you nurse in both mom and baby; it bonds the two of you but it also relaxes you making you both feel calm and happy. Why would I fight that natural response?
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- My baby slept 9pm – 8am by 6 weeks old. Yeah, that’s the Babywise claim; that if you follow their rules you’ll get your baby to sleep 8 hours by 8 weeks old. Well I found that if I fed my baby “on-demand” so to speak during the day, she was content all the way through the night. The way that differed from my son was his body was on a schedule. His body got use to feeding every 3 hours. So he even woke up every 3 hours.{I would wake her up around 12 when I went to bed to feed her and she would immediately go back to sleep. I did this for a few weeks but now she sleeps completely through the night about 9:30 – 8:00 without any nursing.}
Are you reading this and thinking, “this doesn’t apply to me because I don’t nurse”. That’s not true. You can still create that bond by holding {especially skin to skin}, feeding as often as baby tells you and not fight your baby with a bottle. Still applies to you too 🙂 The Babywise theory isn’t all bad, it did teach me that babies do go through a cycle. They typically eat, sleep, and play a bit {depending on their age}. When you aren’t sure what they are crying about, my husband and I always go through “the list”
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- is their diaper changed?
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- are they hungry?
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- are they tired?
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- How is their temperature? too cold? too hot?
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- How are their clothes? Are they restrictive {that includes socks}
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- Are they too stimulated? {lights, tv, too loud…}
9 times out of 10 you will find the answer in the first three options… but all you have to do is go through your list. If you’d like to download a free checklist to remind you how to troubleshoot a crying baby, just enter your email below!
Click here to download the free checklist
I believe mom’s need to throw out the Babywise theory and gain more confidence in their mother’s intuition. What do you think? Tell me why you agree or disagree.
